(TWO FRIENDS MEET OUTSIDE A BRISTOL CARGO COFFEE SHOP)

LUCIEN:    Oh hello!

RAY:          Lucy! Kiss, kiss.

LUCIEN:    How’s Raymondo today?

RAY:          Very chipper as it happens.

LUCIEN:    Good night?

RAY:          Yes, actually, but not what you think. I was at the theatre last  night, the Tobacco Factory. I saw Sex Education.

LUCIEN:     Something you don’t need.

RAY:         Cheek!

LUCIEN:   Come on then, what was it about?

RAY:       Well I’m still a bit confused; it was either about a cucumber or a rabbit.

LUCIEN:   (FOLDING HIS ARMS) And you’re not sure?

RAY:        Well he, Harry Clayton-Wright, the actor, stand-up, whatever, spends a lot of time sitting at a table making cucumber  sandwiches for the audience – which of course they couldn’t eat because of Covid.

LUCIEN:    That sounds a bit dull.

RAY:         Well to start with he’s wearing a wedding dress – suits him actually – and wait ‘till you know what’s happening on the screen behind him while he’s slicing the cucumber. Gay porn!

LUCIEN:  No way!?

RAY:         Honestly, I’m telling you. All sorts, including a little scene with him and a cucumber; a dollop of lube and it was a question of now you see it now you don’t!

LUCIEN:  Shut up!

RAY:        Straight up!  If you’ll excuse the pun. (THEY BOTH HOOT) The audience loved it, cheered and clapped.

LUCIEN:   Oh my days! So what was that about a rabbit?

RAY:         Ah well that’s where it got a bit deep and I was a bit lost. There were these film scenes where this young man was out walking his pet rabbit in the snow and he’d meet another young man and before you could say Mrs Tiggywinkle he was on his knees doing the biz while the rabbit was happily munching something on the ground.

LUCIEN: (RAISING HIS EYEBROWS) What’s confusing?

RAY:       Well, you see there is this other scene where he comes on dressed as a pixie or one of Santa’s little helpers – he sings Last Christmas – and another where he’s got this enormous rabbit’s head and he does a dance, but he says later he thinks the rabbit might represent his mum or something. He wasn’t sure.

LUCIEN:   His mum?!

RAY:        She’s adorable, an angel sent from heaven. I wish I had a mum like that. Everyone should have a mum like his. He interviews her. She’s so understanding, non-judgemental, full of love. I cried when she said she wanted him to find the right boy.

LUCIEN:  Get out of here! He interviews his own mum?

RAY:         Asks her if she thinks he’s a top or a bottom. Of course she didn’t know what he was on about, bless her.  I suppose in a way the whole thing is a letter to his mum.  Except he doesn’t tell her everything he tells us. That’s his thing, being honest and getting it out there, about his sexual journey.

LUCIEN:    Good luck to him!

RAY:           It reminded me of whatsisname, that writer, Jean Genie, you know?

LUCIEN:   Jean Genet.

RAY:         That’s the one. Honest, unvarnished, hilarious. Fresh air. But his main thing is that we shouldn’t have to learn about these things via porn videos and stuff so people know it’s just bodies and people being people and there shouldn’t be stigma and nastiness.

LUCIEN:   Well I’m with him there!

RAY:         So were all of the audience.

★★★★☆   Graham Wyles    18^th June 2021